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ABC Radio National Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Domestic violence is a crime that, in the vast majority of cases, is committed by men. What best replica designer do we really know about men who abuse replica bags buy online their partners and how they do it? Jess Hill probes the disturbing psychology of domestic violence.

cheap replica handbags This article represents part of a largerBackground Briefinginvestigation. Listen to Jess Hill’s full report on Sunday at 8.05 am or use the podcast links above after broadcast. cheap replica handbags

high quality replica handbags There are the family men who don’t even realise they’re abusive, the master manipulators who terrorise their partners, the drug addicts caught in a spiral of violence, and a dozen other types in between. high quality replica handbags

But they all have one thing in common: a compulsion for power and control.

If I had a quid for every woman who said to me over the years, ‘Give me a black eye any day. The bruise is gone in a fortnight. It’s the words that hurt, it’s the words that stay.’

Replica Handbags Karen Willis, Rape and Domestic Violence replica bags from china Services Australia Replica Handbags

Designer Fake Bags Experts are adamant on this point: domestic violence is not an anger management problem. best replica designer bags When perpetrators believe they’re being defied, they can feel like they’re losing control. But best replica bags online they use the abuse be it physical, emotional or psychological to subjugate their partners, and regain control. Designer Fake Bags

‘Yes, absolutely. You’re trying to force dominance over the other person, without a doubt,’ says Nick, a burly man in his mid thirties who lives just south of Melbourne with his wife Steph and their two young boys. A year ago, during an argument late one night, Nick picked Steph up and threw her out of bed. Her screams woke up their eldest son, who came running into the room to find his mother sobbing on the floor.

KnockOff Handbags That night, Steph called the police. As they were loading Nick into the divisional van, he turned to one of the replica bags policemen and aaa replica bags said, ‘I’m not a criminal.’ It was the first time Nick had been physically violent towards Steph, and he certainly didn’t consider himself an abusive husband. But Nick was about to discover that not only had he committed a crime that night, he’d been inflicting domestic violence on bag replica high quality his wife buy replica bags for years. KnockOff Handbags

Designer Replica Bags At a local men’s behaviour change program, Nick and the other men in the group were astonished to learn that in the eyes of the law, verbal, emotional, psychological and even financial abuse count as domestic violence. Designer Replica Bags

Replica Bags ‘That’s the bit that probably really woke up most of the men in the program,’ he says. ‘I think we all knew that if we hit a woman that’s family violence, but there were a lot of other things the men just didn’t know. Probably the biggest one was language the derogatory language.’ Replica Bags

It’s those words that can hurt victims the most. ‘If I had a quid for every woman who said to me over the years, “Give me a black eye any day. The bruise is gone in a fortnight. It’s the words that hurt, it’s the words that stay,”‘ says Karen Willis, executive officer of Rape and Domestic Violence Services Australia. She’s been working with victims for over 30 years, and says that virtually all of her counselling and trauma work is spent reversing the impacts of verbal abuse.

She’s not just talking about name calling, or things said in anger. ‘It’s the constant undermining and criticism. high quality designer replica It can be loud and overt, or it can be the little whisper in the ear at a party with friends: “They’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing replica designer bags at you, because you’re an idiot.”

Fake Designer Bags ‘The psychological impact of that can be quite extreme,’ says Willis. Fake Designer Bags

Wholesale Replica Bags Why would any woman stay with a man like this? Because, in replica designer bags wholesale the words of American psychiatrist Judith Herman, domestic violence victims are in a state of psychological captivity, like that of a kidnap victim or cult member. Perpetrators create this state of captivity by employing tactics that are so common, it’s like they’re straight out of a textbook. Wholesale Replica Bags

Fake Handbags ‘It’s like you go to abuse school,’ says Rob Sanasi, a marketing professional who lives in Sydney’s northwest. His replica bags china wife, Deb, a counsellor for domestic violence victims, agrees. ‘Honestly, if you sat in a group,’ she says, ‘at some point all the women look at each other, and are like: “Have we all been married to the same guy? Do they go to some TAFE course on how to do this?” The similarities are incredible.’ Fake Handbags

The key to a perpetrator maintaining his control, says Deb Sanasi, is his victim’s isolation. ‘They may not outrightly say, “I don’t want you seeing your friends, or having hobbies, or being around your parents.” But they’ll replica wallets just make it hard, and eventually women just decide it’s all too hard, because they don’t want the fight.

Replica Designer Handbags ‘Then, if the perpetrator becomes your main frame of reference, which is what happens, then it’s very much like a cult, because then you’re essentially getting your main input from him.’ Replica Designer Handbags

replica handbags china That input, more replica designer backpacks often than not, is designed to grind down the victim’s self esteem: petty criticisms, degrading comments, jealous accusations, and instructions on what to wear and high end replica bags how to behave. replica handbags china

Deb Sanasi’s expertise in perpetrator behaviour is more than just professional. Nine years ago, when Deb decided to return to work after years as a stay at home mum, her husband, Rob, began to feel like his life was falling apart. Convinced he was having a nervous breakdown, Rob went to seek counselling.

purse replica handbags In their first session together, the counsellor came up with quite a surprising diagnosis. ‘He asked me, “Do you raise your voice, do you yell, do you throw things, do you call your wife names, do you swear, do you bash things?” purse replica handbags

replica handbags online ‘It was kind of tick, tick, tick,’ recalls Rob. ‘Then he went to designer replica luggage a filing cabinet in his office, and he pulled out an A4 piece of paper with a pre printed “Cycle of Violence”, and he whacked that on the table and he said, “That’s what you do.” He said, “This is what we call domestic violence.”‘ replica handbags online

replica Purse Rob cheap designer bags replica kept the piece of paper to himself for days. Eventually, on his counsellor’s urging, he showed the piece of paper to Deb. He told her that what was going on in their relationship was called domestic violence, luxury replica bags and the type of violence he was using high replica bags on her was emotional abuse; instead of bashing her with his fists, he bashed her with his emotions in order to keep her under control. replica Purse

Initially, Deb just sat in shock. ‘Then I went to good old Google to Google emotional abuse,’ she recalls, ‘and then up came this list of behaviours, and I actually saw my 7a replica bags wholesale whole life in a list good quality replica bags on a computer.’

Replica Bags Wholesale Deb’s shock soon turned to anger: ‘I thought, you know, I’m a high functioning, official statement intelligent person how high quality replica bags could I have been in an abusive relationship and not even known?’ Replica Bags Wholesale

Deb’s story is a common one victims can take years to realise they’re being abused. In Deb’s case, buy replica bags online she’d always thought she was to blame for Rob’s behaviour, and had spent years reading books on how to be a better partner.

wholesale replica designer handbags It’s also common for victims even those living with physical violence and death threats to see themselves as the strong one and to regard their partner’s abuse as something they simply have to withstand so they can help him overcome his demons. wholesale replica designer handbags

aaa replica designer handbags That’s because perpetrators often foster an ‘us against the world’ narrative based on the fact they’ve been badly hurt by others in their life. Women in these situations can be manipulated into believing they are the only best replica bags person who can protect their partner and help them become a better man aaa replica designer handbags.